Allie Latto

09/24/06

2^nd Hour

Original Satire

It is a great misfortune of our society that the level of intelligence in humans is incredibly low. This stupidity, seen most easily when people think it wise to open their mouths and speak of ridiculous ideas in terrible grammar, will one day soon be the destruction of mankind if harsh measures are not taken to stop it.

The public education system, designed to educate children, is failing miserably to achieve its goal. Therefore, I believe it to be the duty of the more gifted humans to monitor and correct both the ideas the less gifted humans have and the way in which they communicate their ideas. This is where the technological advancements of the more intelligent human beings come into play in my plan.

I recommend the use of shock collars. What, if not an electric shock, can effectively remind people to think before they speak? After all, they work on dogs, so shouldn’t shock collars have the same effect on humans?

These shock collars should be worn by everyone under an average intelligence level as determined by a standardized IQ test. This test should be taken for the first time at age 10. The IQ test should also be taken at ages 15 and 18; it should also be repeated at least once every two years after the age of 18.

I further propose that the controls to the shock collars be in the hands of those with an IQ score in the genius range. Every time they hear someone with a shock collar say something unintelligent or use improper grammar, the person shall receive an electric shock. Also, when a person possessing controls to the shock collars is not present, the shock collars will automatically shock the person wearing it.

Of course, there are exceptions to the rules. People who are at an average intelligence level or above and use bad grammar, who abuse their power when controlling a shock collar, who purposely use bad grammar, and/or those who are deemed unworthy of being without a shock collar shall also be required to wear one.